Joey poses for a health poster, but later finds out he's become the V.D. poster boy. Ross finds out Susan is reading to the unborn baby and decides he must, too. Ross and Monica plan their own Thanksgiving dinner because their parents are away; Phoebe joins them, because she celebrates with her grandmother and her grandmother's boyfriend... in December... because he's lunar; Joey joins in because his family thinks he has V.D.; Monica has to make three kinds of potatoes. Chandler plans to boycott Thanksgiving because his parents announced their divorce on that day; Rachel has plans to go to Vail to be with her family. The Underdog balloon breaks free during the parade; everyone goes to the roof to watch but they get locked out of Monica's apartment; the dinner is burned and Rachel misses her flight. Everyone ends up eating Chandler's cheese sandwiches and Funyuns for Dinner. Ugly Naked Guy has Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal, and there's Ugly Naked Dancing.
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Ross: Oh, well... I, uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...
Susan: Come in.
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class and I have to get it back to the museum.
Susan: What's it look like?
Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin.
Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you... you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything.
Ross: Really?
Phoebe: I can show you. Okay, this will seem a little weird, but you put
your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.
Chandler: I'd just like to say I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact,
I'd very much like to butter your head.
Chandler: Yeah, it's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.
Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog loose over the city. How often does that happen?
Phoebe: Almost never!
Ross: And everyone's telling me, 'you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major.' So, on a dare, I pick paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because--let's face it--you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.
Phoebe: Oh, you guys have to make a wish.
Monica: Make a wish?
Phoebe: Come on, you know: Thanksgiving. Oh! You got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?
Joey: The bigger half.
Chandler: Alright, I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you planned; but for me this has been really great, you know... I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, if you guys had been with your family, or if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
