Chandler finds out a lot of people think he's gay when they first meet him; he tries to find out why. Paolo gives Rachel calls and shoes from Rome. Ross and Monica's grandmother dies... twice; At the funeral, Joey watches a football game on a portable TV; Ross falls into an open grave and hurts his back, then gets a bit loopy on muscle relaxers. Monica tries to deal with her mother's criticisms.
Monica: Okay, I...I don't know. You... you just... you have a quality.
Everyone: Yeah. Absolutely. A quality.
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality! Good, because I was worried you guys were
gonna be vague about this.
Ross: So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.
Ross: You know how, uh, the nurse said that... that Nana had... had passed?
Well, she's not... quite....
Mrs. Geller: What?
Ross: She's not past... she's present, she's back.
Chandler: I just have to know, okay? Is it my hair?
Rachel: Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe: Yeah, you have homosexual hair.
Phoebe: No, I mean maybe no one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get this feeling that she's, like, right here, you know? Oh! And Debbie--my best friend from junior high--got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course. I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, ya know? I miss her.
Mr. Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun.
Monica: Define 'fun.'
Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll get a boat, pack a lunch...
Monica: ...And then we'll throw your body in the water. Gee, that does sound fun.
Mr. Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says, 'Jack Geller: so predictable.'
Maybe after I'm gone they'll say, 'Buried at sea! Huh!'
Monica: That's probably what they'll say.
Mr. Geller: I'd like that.
Monica: So mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my
hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?
Ross: Some days it's all I can think about.
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up? ...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
Ross: I feel great. I feel... great. I fleel great.
Monica: Wow, those pills really worked, huh.
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two... woooo! I love you guys.
You guys are the greatest. I love my sister, I love Pheebs...
Phoebe: Oh! That's so nice.
Ross: Hey Chandler!
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: I love you, man. And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. Doesn't matter to me.
Andrea (to her friend): You were right!
Chandler: So you don't think I have a... a quality?
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say... no. By the way, your
friend Brian from Payroll... he is.
Chandler: He is?
Lowell: Yep, and way out of your league.
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. [Brian enters behind Chandler.]
If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. [Chandler sees him.] Hey, Brian.
