Phoebe waits on hold so she can have her phone repaired before the warranty expires. The gang goes to Joey's play on opening night. Rachel dates Tommy, who seems pretty nice... except when he starts screaming at people; however, only Ross witnesses this behavior and can't convince anyone else. Joey's play gets bad reviews, prompting the director to break up with Kate; Joey and Kate spend the night talking and falling in love. Kate gets a job offer in L.A. and decides to leave.
Ross: I, uh, I also need two.
Monica: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler: Whose number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Joey: Oh, hey! You guys are finally gonna get to meet Kate!
All: Oh!
Joey: And I, uh, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
Monica: Joey, what are you doing? It's never gonna happen. She's seeing somebody.
Chandler: Yeah, and I don't have any cologne.
Joey: The green bottle next to the shaving cream.
Chandler: Oh--worm medicine for the duck.
Chandler: Hey, can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
Monica: Of course not.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
Joey: So, so... what'd you think?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Joey: I wasn't in that.
Chandler: I know.
Ross: I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viciously screamed at total strangers! I think he's bad news!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute... you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, that's odd.
Cailin: So, how'd you guys meet?
Pete: Well, ah, the short version is I pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars and she was mine.
Monica: Yeah, and in the long version I dump him for telling people the short version.
Estelle: Oh, you two girls were outstanding! [to Joey] Do they have representation?
Joey: No, they weren't in the play.
Rachel: We're not actors.
Estelle: Oh, what a shame! Because with her face [Monica] and her chest [Rachel] I could really put something together.
Chandler: Could I borrow it?
The Director: Here we go, people! Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, badda badda badda... ah-ha! Joey Tribianni gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Joey: Yes! Ha ha ha ha!
Kate: Ya know, I gave up a part on a soap for this.
Joey: Wow! Yeah I, uh, I gave up a job too.
Kate: Really? What?
Joey: Uh, de-clawing cats.
Joey: Hey, Pheebs, where were ya?
Phoebe: I'm so, so, so sorry, Joey. I am definitely gonna see your
play, I swear. Your play is very important to us. Thank you for your patience.
Your play is the next play I'm gonna see.
Joey: What's going on? What's this about L.A.?
Kate: They still want me for General Hospital.
Joey: But... but what about us?
Kate: Last night was wonderful. But I can't stay here just for you.
Joey: Well, so... stay for the museums!
Monica: Phoebe, it's been two days.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing it's one of those 801 numbers, right?
Ross: Phoebe, 800 is toll free. 801 is... is Utah.
Phoebe: No, no, no, oh no, it has to be 800. Because all those big
companies have 800 numbers, every.... Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
All: Hang it up! Hang up the phone!
Phoebe: Fine, fine! Uh oh!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Well, I think I broke it. But that's all right, here's the number you can call.
